Turning Back
by The Half Mad Muggle
Summary: An injured Harry and an exhausted Severus are trapped in a forest, hunted by Lord Voldemort and waiting for Albus to rescue them.  But when Albus must choose between them, things take a frightening turn.  Severus, Harry, Albus centric.


**Title**: Turning Back

**Summary**: An injured Harry and an exhausted Severus are trapped in a forest, hunted by Lord Voldemort and waiting for Albus to rescue them. But when Albus must choose between them, things take a frightening turn.

**Dedication**: Written primarily for **YenGirl** as an insufficient thanks for her betaing of my stories, spotting my errors, and encouraging me! Excessively Perky and skypeeper (named as my biggest Dumbledore critics) – should you read – yes, I do listen to you sometimes. I promise. Stick with it. *hugs* Also, my apologies that I am behind with other updates - I have very bad internet at the moment and this one took longer to write today than I originally thought!

**Date**: 22nd January 2012.

* * *

><p>PART ONE:<p>

Severus Snape prided himself in being a rational man. He never moved without considerable thought and thoughtful consideration. He always had a strategy, tactics and purpose. Never did he make judgements on the spur of the moment.

That did not explain why he was weaving a path through a dark and rather thick forest with no idea where he was going. It also did not explain why he was sprinting. Or why he was dodging curses being thrown from behind him.

Being a rational man _certainly_ did not explain why he was following an injured Harry Potter with the sole intention of saving his life.

"Keep going, Potter!" He hissed at the student. If they could reach the edge of this forest, they would be able to Apparate away to Hogwarts. Until then – they were trapped by enforced wards and Dark Magic. He could try to penetrate it, but the boy certainly could not. He just wished he knew how thick and deep this forest was – they could be so close to the edge and yet too far too.

He whirled to block a Blasting Curse and sent back one of his own, grabbing Harry's arm and flattening them both against the trunk of a large tree, one arm around Harry's waist to keep him upright. Harry was bleeding badly, pale white and weak. Severus pressed his hand over the wound Lord Voldemort had inflicted into the boy's side, feeling the student wince and moan. It was deep and almost mortal – Severus had tried to heal it, but he too was tired. Blood was oozing over his fingers – Harry's blood, Lily's blood – and he drew his hand away, wiping it on his robes. "Stay awake, Potter." No response from Harry, who leaned against him further. Severus sent a silent prayer to the Heavens, reaching into his robe and pulling a handkerchief from the inner pocket. He pressed it to Harry's wound.

Footsteps, behind them, coming nearer. He gritted his teeth, pressing them further into the trunk, pulling Harry ever closer. He could feel the boy's breathing against his neck, short and sharp and almost feverish. He would not last much longer.

Where was the Order of the Phoenix? He had sent the distress signal – only to be used in the most dire of circumstances – twenty minutes ago. Where were they? Why were they taking so long –

The group of Snatchers stormed past without spotting the two figures now crouched in the undergrowth. Relieved and able to straighten his back when silence reigned once more, Severus pushed his wand against Harry's injury once again and uttered an incantation he had devised – which usually worked. Separated from his bag, he had no access to potions that could simply relieve the boy of the pain – and his spells had no bearing on the Dark Lord's magic. Instead, Harry's head simply lolled against Severus' shoulder, eyes fluttering. "Come on, Harry." Severus murmured, "Please, you need to stay conscious – otherwise you'll kill us both."

He should have left the boy to his fate.

Damn that Gryffindor tendency he found evermore difficult to ignore. Damn the Sorting Hat.

Damn it all to Hell, he swore viciously, as a spasm of pain threw Harry back into near-consciousness. A teenager's hand gripped Severus' robe, and the boy muttered, "Don't leave me..."

The words were a plea and they shattered Severus' usually stern and stubborn countenance. The very hopelessness of the situation was threatening his composure – "I will not leave you." He swallowed, "I will not leave you –"

Stabbing pain across his forehead reminded him that the Dark Lord was nearby – and able to perform some Legilimency from a distance. He would not be able to penetrate Severus' shields – but he might be able to detect the other's location. He forced Voldemort away, wincing. "Leave me be." He hissed. "Leave me be."

Harry would be able to walk no further – Severus knew that. He was not strong enough to carry him. They were, for the moment, trapped. It was only a matter of time – but for now – he would stay here.

* * *

><p>"Anything, Alastor?" Albus Dumbledore demanded of his Auror counterpart as the two were reunited in the pressing and oppressing trees of the forest. Albus was accompanied by two Aurors – and the other members of the Order of the Phoenix were fanning out. they had been summoned by the most serious of distress signals – from Severus – and with the recent disappearance of Harry Potter from Hogsmeade, Albus knew he had jumped to the right conclusion.<p>

Severus and Harry were running from Voldemort. His two favourite students, separated by a generation and fates tied together closer than they both would like – and now, both of them in mortal peril. Albus had to find them.

"Nothing, Albus. We cannot even place the Death-Eaters – let alone Snape and Harry." Alastor glanced toward the older wizard, "You are sure that this is not a trap, Albus?"

"Positive, Alastor. Severus is in danger – I can feel it. Or rather...I can't feel it." There were rumours of a connection between Albus and Severus, that the two wizards had fought to hide. A mental connection, formed through years of close communication. The fact Albus could not feel Severus at all told him that the other was either too injured to form the connection, or he was in a situation where he had to completely block his mind – for fear of Voldemort finding him. In the last year, every time he had sent Severus to walk to his possible death, Albus had been able to feel him. Only today was there silence – almost as if his very shadow was missing – and only today had he been so worried that he would never see Severus again. "We have to keep going, Alastor. I know he is here, somewhere."

Alastor watched him a moment longer, before nodding. "We need more help. I shall summon more support from the Ministry."

Albus stared into the distance, "And I shall summon a little help of my own."

* * *

><p>"Harry? Harry – wake up – damn it, Potter – don't you do this to me now." He swore viciously under his breath in a crude, nearly forgotten language and forced the student into a sitting position. Harry did not answer him – his eyes were closed and his face was pale – "Potter." He hissed again, but still nothing. It took him a moment to convince himself the boy was still breathing. Closing his eyes and feeling the boy shiver and shudder against him through unnatural chill, he couldn't help himself – "Albus, please..." He had hoped that such a silent plea would bring Albus straight to him, so when he opened his eyes, the older wizard would be looking at him, reaching out a hand to help him – but no such thing happened.<p>

Footsteps again. A voice, a voice that Severus feared. "Severus? We cannot keep this up for long. Give me Harry Potter, and I will let you live and forget your little...display...previously." Lord Voldemort, coming closer. Severus swallowed the fear and gathered Harry into his arms. "If you ever speak of this to anyone, Potter, I will give you more detentions than you could ever imagine and take so many points from Gryffindor you will not regain the House Cup in the two years you have left at this school." Struggling at first with the boy's weight and his growing exhaustion, he readjusted Harry's position and moved from his current position, heading in what he believed was a northerly one. His footsteps were slowed by the added weight – pain in his left arm – dark spots appeared in front of his vision. "Albus...where the Salazar are you..."

Sound erupted above him. He expected it to be Death-Eaters and he felt his heart bolt inside his ribcage – he looked to the heavens and saw the orange and gold hurtle past. He blinked, convinced he was seeing things that did not truly exist – but no – it had been – "...Fawkes...?"

Fawkes had spotted him, turned about and was now hovering near to his position. And he knew then that someone else was watching Fawkes – the Order were in the forest – he raised his wand and conjured his Patronus. Depending on which memory he chose, his Patronus took two forms – and he was picturing the warmth of the office and the hand on his shoulder and the promise that he would no longer be placed in harm's way, that he had a chance for redemption, and how secure that made him feel – and the raven exploded from the end of his wand. The silvery-blue bird, majestic and dark, soared to meet its mythical counterpart – Fawkes sang a note that could only be described as prompting.

Green light, forming almost a dagger, shot toward the phoenix. Severus' Patronus – almost corporeal in its stubbornness and general behaviour, tried to protect Fawkes but could not stop the Killing Curse. Severus himself, still watching, let out a shout of warning before realising his mistake – the phoenix was hit and knocked from the sky. Severus had been found – not by the Order – but by Voldemort himself.

Quickly placing Harry on the ground and covering him with his outer cloak – a foolish disguise and one that would not hide him for long – Severus held his wand out before him and waited. Here he would make his final stand – he did not expect to survive, for surviving was not in his estimations. But he would make his last stand, and attempt to save Harry Potter because even he – he who proclaimed he could not stand the child – believed he was the one who would stop the Dark Lord. He did listen to Albus sometimes, after all. He straightened his back, wondering how many would come. All of them? He would be hopelessly outnumbered then, although he could hold his own against Snatchers for their stupidity far outweighed his mortality.

In fact, this whole situation was hopeless and he chastised himself once more for being so foolish and heroic. He gripped his wand tighter, narrowing his eyes. "If I die for you, Potter, I swear I will haunt you until the ends of eternity..."

Footsteps behind him – rustling of leaves – he whirled, "Come out and face me then – do not be such a coward!"

"Well, that confirms the answer to my first question – you are still alive." Albus stepped out into the almost light, wand raised. "Severus – thank Merlin."

Severus knew he ought to be relieved, pleased, or perhaps a mixture of both. Instead, anger swept through him – "Where have you been? I summoned you nearly half an hour ago – Potter is on the brink of death –"

Albus neared him, "It has taken us some time to find you, Severus – only Fawkes could cover the forest quickly enough – we have been working as fast as we can, my boy." He pressed one hand to Severus' shoulder, "Briefly – what happened?"

Severus wrenched his shoulder away and looked back to the direction he had fled from, "The Dark Lord kidnapped Potter – brought him here to kill him – I rescued Potter, but he is wounded. He is under my cloak – and now the Dark Lord knows where I am and hopes to destroy us both. Where are the others?"

"We have been split up." Albus crossed to Harry, pulling the cloak away and bringing the boy into his arms, examining the wound. "This is bad – you should have prevented him being hurt." His words were thoughtless, brought on by concern – Severus flinched, "I did the absolute best I could, Dumbledore – considering I was hopelessly outnumbered and under the torturous grip of the Dark Lord – "

Albus looked up, "I did not mean – let's just get out of here –"

"You will never be fast enough. He cannot walk. You go. I will hold them here." Severus was still looking at the way Albus cradled Harry close, fighting that stab of jealousy as he was reminded in perhaps the worst way that he was only ever second best – second most important.

"Absolutely not." Albus argued. "Either we all go – or – "

"Or what, Headmaster? Or the boy dies?" Severus shot back, "Do not humour me. We know how this situation will end."

"Severus." Albus pleaded, "Do not make me choose between you and him –"

"Why? Because you know that you will have to tell me the truth? That I will _never _be considered more important than he? That I will never win, in your heart? Your choice is already made, Headmaster. Take him – and get out of here – I will reconvene with you as quickly as I can."

"No, you won't." Albus whispered, "He will not let you go alive. Come with me, Severus."

"We cannot all escape. You need someone to distract him. Go." Severus faced the other direction.

"Severus – I – "

"Go, Headmaster. You have never once considered me more important than Harry Potter, not since I came back to you – do not change the habit of a lifetime now. For all those petty moments where you have hurt me to please him – this is now of paramount importance – get him out of here." He glanced back just once, "Because you would never – ever – turn back for me."

Albus pulled himself back to his feet, Harry still safely ensconced in his arms, "Severus – know this then – I do love –"

"Don't. I don't want the last thing I hear from you to be a lie. Go." Severus turned his gaze back to the forest, and the darkness. Albus watched him a moment longer, until his vision was blurred. "Severus..."

But Severus did not acknowledge him in any way, and Albus hurried away. At the last moment, as he neared the top of the hill, he turned back. He looked toward Severus, saw him stood, waiting for the very mouth of hell itself to open up and swallow him whole – a brave defender, standing alone – his heart was threatening to shatter, and for the very first moment in his Wizarding career, Albus challenged himself – he challenged whether his belief in Harry Potter was right. He looked back down at the child in his arms – the pale skin and the closed eyes and the cold sweat – and looked away from Severus.

Severus swallowed the fear gathering at the back of his throat and threatened his stomach if it did not stop churning in such an uncomfortable way. He glanced behind him, just once – watching Albus – and the other did not turn back. He had made his choice, then.

And Severus had made his.

He tightened his fist around his wand and remembered the spells he had taken such time to learn. If this was the end – and this was the end – he would at least bow out fighting.

Damn that Gryffindor streak.

* * *

><p>PART 2:<p>

Albus Dumbledore prided himself in being a good person. He never put his own motives above those he cared about, and those he cared about were the motivation for many of his actions. Never did he make judgements that could sacrifice the lives of those he loved.

That did not explain why he was stood, staring into a dark and rather thick forest with no intention of moving. It also did not explain why he was almost crying. Or why he was shaking, violently.

Being a good man _certainly _did not explain why he had left one of his own to face Lord Voldemort with no hope of triumphing.

"Albus. Albus, Harry's regained consciousness." Alastor's voice, quiet, behind him. "Where is he, Albus?"

Albus hesitated a moment more, before turning back. "I lost him. Take me to Harry."

* * *

><p>To his credit, Severus knew how to duel. He supposed, ironically, he ought to thank the Dark Lord for that – who had taken a very young Severus under his wing and taught him the ways of duelling and tactics that could be used against any enemy. It was a skill that Severus kept rather quiet – but was also something he did rather well.<p>

Unfortunately, he had never expected to duel the person who had mentored him. Lord Voldemort knew Severus' strengths and weaknesses as well as he had known them when Severus had been fifteen – how Severus always took the defensive position, attempting to wear his enemy down, rather than striking first. How he preferred spells that would cause disadvantage rather than bodily harm. How he had stamina and strength and relied on magic that was draining yet powerful. How his right side was always weaker than his left, how he could be easily defeated if his mental shields could be penetrated and an attack of Legilimency unleashed – how it was just enough to wait until he ran out of energy.

Voldemort casually deflected another of Severus' attempts and smirked at him, "You never learn, Severus. Such a pity." He tore more gashes into Severus' right side and watched detachedly as the other staggered. "You have yet to explain to me the reasons for your decision. I do wish to know what Albus Dumbledore could have offered you compared to I."

"You killed her. I was willing to beg for her life and yet you still killed her." Severus spat in response, casting a protective spell to allow him moments to recover and inspect the damage to his side. The almost sweet stench of blood was infiltrating his nostrils. "I was on my knees in front of you."

Voldemort straightened his back, "I gave her three chances to stand aside. She did not. That is the fault of the boy, not me. The boy you have just given your life to protect. Lily Potter's son. How very romantic, Severus. But that cannot be the only reason. It makes no sense. There must be more. There must be something else. What else did Dumbledore offer you, Severus? Tell me. Tell me before I beat you, and then rip the life from your skeleton?"

"I made my choice." Severus answered, blocking another curse and ducking the rebounding tendrils of light. "Do not ask me to analyse it – I can assure you – I have tried to explain to myself, several times, why I have chosen him instead of –" He dropped the sentence and hesitated.

Voldemort disarmed him. "Instead of me?"

Severus looked to where his wand had fallen, but did not answer Voldemort.

"Oh, Severus. You always were too passionate for your own good. It has led to your destruction. I am just trying to decide the most deserving way. After all – it seems you have betrayed me and my confidences for so many years now. I should simply kill you."

Severus was still looking at his wand. "You should."

"I'd rather make a public display, of course. It would be very useful to make sure my other servants stay loyal – of they see the price of such payment. But, at the same time, you were one of my first and I have seen guided you for so many years now. You should be allowed to die with a little of your dignity intact – and publicly humiliating you just seems cruel."

Severus glanced back toward Voldemort. He did not appreciate being toyed with like a helpless mouse at the claws of a predatory cat.

"Kneel for me, Severus. Kneel one more time before your once master."

Pushing one hand to his side, Severus obeyed the instruction, eyes cast down to the grass below him.

"Look at me, Severus. I want to see the look in your eyes when I kill you." Voldemort paused. "Look at me."

I do hope you are happy now, Albus. Severus raised his eyes.

"I do hope you are happy now, Tom. Unfortunately, I will have to ask you to pause, there. Killing Severus is certainly not on your agenda tonight."

Severus kept his eyes on Voldemort, watching the expression of the Dark Lord's face as he glanced over Severus' shoulder and toward the sound of the voice. "Well, well. Dumbledore. How...how very interesting." He looked back to Severus, "We weren't expecting you. Judging by the expression of surprise on Severus' face, he certainly wasn't expecting you to come back for him."

"_He left you behind, then?"_

Severus knew too well that he was not out of danger now – Voldemort could still kill him – there was little stopping him from doing so. It would take only seconds to cast the Killing Curse and there would very little Albus could do to stop it. If he bothered at all, Severus thought cruelly, looking away. Voldemort was analysing him, intrigued by this, but did not say anything. "So what now, Dumbledore? I can have my forces by me in a matter of moments."

"True enough, Tom. But I can have Aurors and the Order behind me in one moment less. I suggest you release your prisoner and leave quietly." Albus was smiling. Severus could hear that. How dare he smile when Severus was threatened with death? He massaged his side gingerly, wincing and seeing dark spots before his eyes.

"I could kill him, Dumbledore. You would not be able to stop me."

"I could challenge you to do such a thing, Tom."

Now they were playing a game with his life and mortality? Severus felt anger rush through his veins – why had he chosen to be such a pawn? He wished one of them would do something – rather than exchange words – if he was to die, then so be it, and if he was to survive – he wanted to get up from his knees. His injuries hurt. He was tired. He wanted to sleep...

Voldemort let his gaze fall back on Severus. He continued to examine the younger wizard, before pointing his wand. "I have already sentenced Severus, Albus. As a traitor to my regime, it is swift and just – and you cannot prevent such a fate."

Albus did not answer – and when Voldemort began to speak the Killing Curse, it did not seem as though he would react. He left it until the final second – when Severus' heart thundered inside his chest, and his throat was dry, and he had forgotten how to breathe – this was the end –

And Voldemort lost his grip on his wand and was disarmed. Albus was in front of Severus with movement that could not have been natural, threatening Voldemort with his own wand. "I did give you polite and sufficient warning, Tom."

Voldemort hissed, looked once more at the now protected Severus – "I will have you – " and Disapparated. Albus watched after him, almost impassive. "He never did enjoy facing me alone. It is almost cowardly." He turned to face Severus, kneeling beside him in the dirt. "Come now, my boy. How are you? Are you hurt?"

Severus did not respond immediately, which meant Albus took it upon himself to find out. He reached out, hoping to press a hand to Severus' side and look at his wound – but Severus flinched away. "Do not touch me."

Albus watched him, almost bemused. "Severus?"

Severus pushed himself to his feet and limped over to his wand, picking it up and pocketing it. "You came back." His words carried a fair amount of venom, which confused Albus. "I did. I put Harry somewhere safe and came back for you. I turned back. I thought – I thought that was what you wanted?" He watched Severus' back, "Severus?"

Severus did not understand why he was almost crying. He did not understand why he was shaking. He did not understand his own emotions – why was he so angry? He should have been pleased, Albus had come back for him, Albus had deemed him worthy of saving...he blinked rapidly and swallowed his hate. There would be time to analyse such feelings later. For now, he needed healing.

* * *

><p>"You could at least speak to me, and let me know what is happening inside that head of yours, Severus?" Albus tried again. He had attempted to help Severus by putting an arm around him, only to find Severus pulling away – rather violently too. He had consented to walking a step behind, ready to catch Severus if he fell. "There is something not right. Have I offended you, by coming back for you?"<p>

Still silence from Severus.

"Severus." Albus hardened his voice. "I could not let you die." He was not sure what he had done to offend Severus so greatly. "My boy, would you please stop?" He reached out and touched Severus' arm – just gently – and pulled back when his fingers were stained with Severus' blood. "You are badly hurt."

Severus stopped, there. He turned and he faced Albus. "And you have only just noticed?"

Albus hesitated, "I had noticed you were hurt, yes – but – "

"Yet it still took you such a long time to stop him. Instead you let me humiliate myself further by kneeling before you both. Both my masters. How very pleasant, Dumbledore." Severus' voice trembled – but due to emotion or exhaustion, Albus could not tell. Albus held up a hand, "I was not sure how best to handle the situation – I needed to unnerve him –"

"And let him speak most of the syllables of the curse that would end my life? Thank you for letting me hear those words, Dumbledore. I wonder if you were still trying to make up your mind – should I let him live?" Severus' eyes were wild with intensity, "Perhaps you were wondering if I had any usefulness left, now? I've been discovered after all – what use is Severus Snape now?" He shook his head, "But I suppose you found some reason to spare me. Should I thank you on bended knee for that, master? Kiss your hand and thank you for sparing me – letting me live – so I owe you more than I already do?"

"Severus!" Albus exclaimed, "Where is this coming from?"

"YOU HAVE NOT THANKED ME FOR SAVING HARRY POTTER'S LIFE!" Severus bellowed, spit and saliva expelled from his mouth as he lurched toward Albus to further his point. "You would have let me die and never express your gratitude for me letting your precious boy live."

Albus stared at him, stared at this loss of control, stared at the screaming emotions – movement attracted his attention – they had neared the Order camp and now he and Severus were being watched by their allies – and supported by Remus – Harry. "Severus...I..."

"Something else – you never offered to take my place! Did that occur to you? To say that I could take Harry to the Order – and you face Voldemort? If you were so confident that you could stop him that you let me stay before him and stare at Death and the Mouth of Hell itself – but no. You did not trust me with your precious saviour – or perhaps worse, you did not deem me more important than you." His voice was still loud, still shaking, "And you dared to try to tell me you love me before you left me there?"

"Severus – I could not save both of you – "

"Well clearly you could, because both of us stand here now." Severus pointed toward Harry, "You could have found a way – such a brilliant wizard, that is what they say, is it not? But no. You left me behind – and I do not know why I was so surprised – and so disappointed – and so _hurt_ when you admitted it."

"...Severus..."

"You sit upon your pedestal – the spider in his web – watching and waiting – you weave cobwebs around those who become trapped under your will – and you fashion them so they will serve you, no matter what. You could ask anything of them – they'd lie for you, hurt for you, cry for you, and die for you. You have seen it before – and you have seen it today. You make people believe that they have importance. You let people think you care about them so that they are willing to do these things for you. In truth, you are no better than him."

Albus simply watched him.

"Here is the true, oh mighty _master_. You destroy those around you. You pretend you are peaceful. You can be peaceful, and only raise your wand when you have to because you have others who will stand in the way."

"I saved your life, Severus."

"AND FOR WHAT REASON? So I would owe you, once more? So I would owe you my life? You save me from Azkaban, you put your name on parchment, so you could save my soul from the Dementors. Was that so I would owe you my soul, too? Was this to complete the collection? You helped me to gain my Potions' Mastery – so you could own my mind and use that against me as a weapon? Now you have saved my life – now you have taken the only thing I left from me – then I demand that you take it away!"

"I think you need to rest – "

"Just do it. What use am I to you now, Dumbledore? How can I serve you now, master? I am useless to you now – and I refuse to play your game!" Severus threw himself to his knees in the dirt – "Kill me. Do it. Put me out of the misery you inflict."

Albus drew back, "Severus, please. Come to your senses."

"Why? Because we have an audience? Because you are frightened of what they will think of you? If they will see your true colours now? Is that why you want me to get up? Why should I bother? Everyone knows I am simply your servant – that I would do anything for you – why shouldn't I debase myself further?"

"You are not my servant – I have never deemed you thus." He stared at Severus, "You hate me so?"

Severus closed his eyes and flinched. "No. No. Because the foolish person that I am _loves_ you so. If I hated you, I would do as you command without wincing because I know it is for the greater good. I would not seek to understand why you feel as if you can do such a thing for me with no conscience. Unfortunately, I love you – and I am not afraid to say it with a hint of honesty - so I want a reason for why you continually humiliate and sideline me for those who have never offered you the same as I. Give me a reason now, I beg of you – give me a reason for why I should stay."

"You wish to leave?"

"A reason, damn you, Albus. Give me a reason!"

"I do not have a choice. There is no one else with the position in Voldemort's circle. You have perfected the art of Occlumency, and he trusts you. Trusted you. I do not know what else to tell you."

Severus knelt in the dirt, quiet for a moment. He lowered his gaze and raised one hand to his cheek, swiping the back against the soft skin. Albus took a step forward, "Severus? I do not know what you want me to say."

Severus glanced at him. "All you had to say was that you trusted me."

"Severus, I cannot say I made a mistake – I had to save Harry – and you know the reasons why, otherwise you would not have put yourself in front of Voldemort to rescue him. Once he was conscious and I was sure he was safe, he said to go after you – I came to find you – and – "

"He...he told you to come back..." Severus' voice cracked uncomfortably and he was unable to finish the sentence, but suddenly his eyes were locked on Albus' as he made the challenge.

Albus hesitated. He looked away. "Not in as many words..."

Severus nodded, swallowing, "He told you not to leave me. The son of my enemy sees more worth in me than the man who professes to care for me."

"I see plenty of worth in you, Severus. I will always see worth in you..." Albus softened his voice, "You are tired. Let us go back to Hogwarts. You need to sleep – I am sure that this is not you – this is not how I see you –"

"Oh no, Dumbledore. This is very me. This is what I keep trapped away – these feelings of hate and betrayal and heartbreak, and I only express them now because the Dark Lord asked me why I serve you and I could not answer him. I could not give him an answer because I do not know myself. Why do I serve you, Dumbledore?"

"You do not serve me. I am not your master."

"You own my soul and my freedom and my life – you can cast me aside whenever you so wish and you can condemn me to death when it takes your fancy – what else does that make you?"

"I am not Lord Voldemort, Severus – I will never abuse that power –"

"YOU ARE NOT LISTENING TO ME, DUMBLEDORE!"

"No, Severus! You are not listening to me! I am _not _Lord Voldemort!"

"Correct! You are worse than him! Shall I tell you why?" Severus got back to his feet, and when he spoke again, his voice was steady and did not shake. "When are you going to tell Harry that you want him to die?"

Albus stiffened.

"When are you going to tell him that you have been raising him so that he can be placed before the Dark Lord at the right moment?"

"Stop, Severus." Albus murmured.

"Do you know why I have revealed myself tonight? It was not – as you so imagine – primarily for him. If I had it my way, Harry would have died so he does not have to be killed by you. But no. I saved his life because he is your last hope. He is the only thing standing between you and defeat. You will use a child – you are so weak that you would ask a child to die for you. A child, Dumbledore. A child. How pathetic do you have to be to ask a child to do all these things for you? To carry out your missions? How cold do you have to be?"

"Silence, Severus."

"Shout me down, now, please. Now that I speak the truth of you – now that I identify what you are in front of him." He turned his gaze, "I pity you, Harry Potter. I feel sorry for you – because you are undeniably innocent in this. You wanted only one thing. You wanted someone to love you." He glanced back to Albus. "How does that make him any different to me?"

"Severus, would you please..."

Severus; breath caught in his chest and he struggled to breathe. "Release me. Release me from your services."

Albus shook his head. "I can't."

"You won't. I am too valuable. Not for my worth, but because I know – I know – the heart of you –" He pressed his hand to his side, wincing and looking down at his fingers.

Albus was beside him in a moment, gripping both of Severus' upper arms and keeping him upright. "Do not do this to us."

"Us?" Severus mocked. "There is no 'us'." He did not fight Albus' hold. Instead he looked into Albus' eyes, "I would have done anything for you. I would have gone anywhere for you. I would have willingly fought, hurt, lied, laid down my life for you. I would have died for you."

Albus did not break the gaze, and did not say anything.

"All you had to say was that you trusted me." Severus whispered. "All you had to do – all you had to say – in front of them – in front of me – was that you – trusted – me."

He pressed his forehead to Albus', "Instead you let me fall."

Albus caught Severus in his arms as the other lost his hold on his consciousness. He pulled him close to his chest and lowered them both into the dirt. Looking down at Severus' face, he eased his hand against Severus' wound as the other's fell away, limp from the darkness. "You took me with you." Exhaling slowly and deeply, he touched his lips to Severus' forehead and remained close. "You brought me down with you."

He drew his hand back from Severus' side and looked at the blood that stained his cracked skin.

Severus' blood.

Damn that Slytherin streak.

* * *

><p>PART 3:<p>

Harry Potter prided himself in being a good and rational person.

It was because of this that he was standing in the doorway to Professor Snape's private Hospital Wing room, looking in at the man lying half asleep in the bed. He raised his fist to the door and knocked once. "Professor?"

Severus looked toward the door. "Potter."

"Can I come in?"

"I do not see why not." Severus had not had many visitors. In fact, Harry was his first one. He supposed he ought to take it for granted. "Please. Sit."

Harry crossed the room and lowered himself into the armchair that Severus indicated with the palm of his hand. There was silence for a moment. "I wanted to thank you, sir. For saving my life. Whatever the reasoning – I would not be here if it were not for you. I understand and appreciate that. I wanted to check that you were healing."

Severus straightened his back so he was now sitting up in the bed. "I am well enough. Stiff but better than I was. I should also enquire after your condition?"

"I am fine." He glanced away from Severus before starting, "You said some interesting things in the forest."

"I lost control. It has most likely doomed me." Severus replied by way of an answer.

"Professor Dumbledore has not commented. No one really says much about it."

"I suppose they think it is simply the machinations of my sick mind? A Death-Eater scorned?" Severus looked toward the window. "I should not be surprised."

"I...I believe you, sir. I understand what you said about Professor Dumbledore. He is all of those things." He hesitated. "But – he is also – he has to do them. Otherwise we would lose. Is that right?"

Severus looked to Harry's green eyes – the eyes of his mother – and he wanted to tell him that Albus Dumbledore was the same type of man as Lord Voldemort. But he could not do it. "I was wrong, in the forest."

Harry stared at him, "But the things you said –"

"Were fuelled by anger and hate and fear. I was hurt. I was – half delusional – I was confused between him and the Dark Lord. Albus Dumbledore is – at his heart – a good man. He...he cares for you, Harry. It is correct that the prophecy suggests you need to die to defeat the Dark Lord, but he will do...he will do everything in his power to stop that." He hated lying – but he could not destroy another paternal figure in Harry Potter's life. He had killed Harry's father, his godfather – and even if it broke his already shattered heart to do so, he would not kill his mentor too. "Harry, listen to me. There are those that are not worthy to stand by Albus Dumbledore's side, and are content to do his bidding. Then there are those that he truly cares for. You are in the latter category."

"And which category are you in, sir? Because I truly believe you are in the latter too."

"That is nice of you to say." Severus did not believe him, mind. "You should go. You should rest. As should I."

"You have never let me down, sir. I was thinking about that – every time I have been in danger – you have been there to protect me. I am glad he did not kill you. Voldemort, I mean. I would be in more danger. I know you do not like me, sir. I know that you cannot stand to even look at me because I am like my father. But I wanted to say thank you. I have never said it. Thank you for protecting me." Harry stood and headed for the door.

Severus called after him, "You are more like your mother than your father, Harry Potter. You have her eyes, yes – but you have her nature too. You have the best of Lily, and indeed the best of James. And I do not dislike you. I am just not particularly keen on you."

Harry smiled without turning back.

Severus laid his head against the pillows and closed his eyes. He drifted for hours, half asleep, half not. When he finally returned to consciousness, fingers were entwined with his and he was not alone. "Can we talk? Just you and I?"

Albus. Of course it was Albus.

Severus made an affirming noise in the back of his throat but did not offer any more.

"I want you to listen to me, Severus. It is important. I do trust you. I trust you more than I can possibly say. I have defended you on all counts to everyone who has ever tried to challenge my belief in you. However, you are right. I have never told you that in front of others, and that is my mistake. You deserve much more than me, Severus."

Severus did not make any sign that he was listening. Except he was. To every syllable.

"I should not have pushed you as far as I have. Listening to you in the forest and the amount of hatred you have amassed for me through my own thoughtless actions broke my heart. But I want you to know that I love you. I do – I may not know how to show it, but I do. In fact, I try not to show it, I try not to become attached, because should I do, it would be so much more painful if I were to lose you. But you were correct. You identified my true colours, my worst flaws, and I thank you for it. I was living in an illusion Severus that everything I was doing was for the greater good. You confronted me with an image that I had created – and I saw it – and I listened to you."

He brushed a hand across Severus' forehead, smoothing his hair. "I need your help, Severus. Help me change. Do not let me become him. That I cannot bear."

Severus glanced at him. "Do not torment yourself."

"Why should I not? Why should you allow me any mercies? I clearly have not allowed you any, Severus. I did this to you – not Tom – me. You thought you had to kneel before me. I swear, that was never my intention. I do not know how to make you believe me." He tilted Severus' face back toward his. "Will you forgive me, Severus? Can you find that in your heart? To start forgiving me? Let me heal what I have done to you?"

"I want to go. Do not keep me here. I have served my purpose." Severus whispered.

"If that is what you so desire. I want to keep you safe, though. Voldemort will try to kill you. The safest place for you is Hogwarts, should you choose to stay. But that is your choice. I will offer you nothing else. I do not deserve to offer you promises or vows. I have broken too many to you."

"I shall think about it."

"Why did you lie to Harry? Why did you tell him I was a good man?"

Severus stared at him for a long moment. "Because that boy needs something to live for. He needs to believe in something. That something may as well be you. He will learn, in time."

"If I could find a way to save Harry, I would. As I would – as I would always find a way to save you if I could."

Another silence.

"Is everything destroyed, between us, Severus? Is there no way that we can fix what has been done?"

"There is no turning back, Headmaster."

"I understand. Are we starting anew then?"

"I do not know. I do not trust you."

"But you do love – because I _do_ love you. More than I can ever explain."

"Give me time."

"You are a good person, Severus. I should say that more often. You are a far better than I could ever hope to be."

Severus tightened his fingers for a moment. "Let me rest."

"May I stay and watch over you?"

Severus took his hand away and turned over onto his side. "Go when I am asleep."

"Of course." Albus adjusted the blanket carefully so that Severus' shoulders were covered. "Sleep well, my boy."

Their gazes were held for a moment longer. "Thank you, Severus. Thank you for stopping me."

Severus did not answer and instead closed his eyes.

Albus watched him. He had turned back because he had had to. He had not needed Harry's encouragement. He would have done it without it. The reason Severus had turned back to him was because Albus had promised him so much – and Albus had never delivered.

But if he would keep one promise, it would be that he would never – ever – turn his back on Severus Snape again.


End file.
